I just got home from hearing the mass and eating out with my family. It was funny that the table we had occupied can accommodate six people. So there was an empty chair across from mine and it screamed its idea so loudly to us. Dada was telling tales about the family's past eating adventures and  they were of fondest memories. So, anyway, I was actually listening to the homily and the priest was preaching about having a lot of hope in any aspect of life. It's not wrong to feel sad but there should always be a reason to be happy no matter how tough things are.
2007 was a rough one for me, generally but I'd also like to note down all the things that the year had imparted to make me who I am now.

I've tried a lot of different jobs this year. I had left behind my first job and the family that came with it. And yes, I also got the chance to do my dream job at a music company but I let it go. At those times, I was thinking of something else that I thought was of major importance.  I drove away my chances of a better career that opened its arms  widely for me but still, I refused . I know I was wrong and sulking wouldn't do anything. Now, I realized that I should get a job I really want and love it. Put more time and effort in my work to be productive. I really want to be involved in something I am passionate about like writing because the truth is I really don't need a lot of money, I want fulfillment in what I do.

It always gives me a good feeling whenever I get to help others. I don't give great advice or insightful ideas to problems but you can always rely on me for comfort and support. I know I'm not the greatest friend there is but I'm different and loyal and loving. Oh, and this is not just to uplift myself. I know I value and love people deeply. You're lucky if you're my friend. ;p I realized that I am valued as a friend too. In the darkest of all the times I've had, solace wasn't so hard to find because they were there.

More than anything, 2007 taught me the idea of not being afraid to love greatly and be loved above anyone in return. That when asked why I love this person, I just shrug and give a smile because there are no words to really explain it or I could give a million reasons why and still give a million reasons more. A love that is defined by real friendship. The kind of love that inspired me to be better and that I know I'll stay that same good person for a lifetime because other than myself, someone believed I am. A love that sees through everything, even pain. I know and I feel that I made this person happy and important. I also know that he's become a better person because of me and that is called an achievement. I have no regrets for this kind of love.

2008 might be even harder but I should be tougher. I have to have hope. I have to have faith.  No matter how ugly things are, there will ALWAYS be a reason to smile and it doesn't  hurt to cross my fingers, close my eyes and make a wish.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

For some reason, I just know it, I'll be flashing a smile tomorrow. I really hope that it'll stay plastered on my face for the rest of the year. And I really hope that it's still the reason why. 

Step 1: Open your Winamp or other MP3 player
Step 2: Put all of your music on random.
Step 3: Write down the first ten songs it plays, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 4: If you have more than 1000 MP3s, randomise the list three times and write down the first ten songs for each randomisation

1. when she cries - restless heart

2. deep inside of you - third eye blind

3. someone to watch over me - patti austin

4. speechless - hanson (hihi! high school ito!)

5. i think God can explain - splender

6. don't phunk with my heart - black eyed peas

7. an angel falls - city of angels soundtrack

8. everything - michael buble (cheesy!)

9. awakening - switchfoot

10. ikaw pala - sugarfree

may sense ba ito? hihihi!

I just spent great time with two pretty angels. I wish they're sitting on my lap right now. 

I remember I  used this blog entry's title for my college paper's feature article. hehe! So anyway, amidst all that is happening, here's one event that really made me proud of its success. Last December 22, we staged a benefit event for Manong Tero (he's familiar if you read my previous blog entry). The support from everyone who took part was tremendously moving. Here are some of the photos my friend Crisel took at the event. 

can you see tha tarp?that's manong tero as a bouncer

here's agnes. she came up with the whole thing ;p

pose muna before ticket selling. hehe

sheenz,liz and diane at the ticket booth. we actually sold over 400 tickets! woohoo!

shano at the registration table. model effect. haha!

oi, sila sister nakikiparty!

liz, shano, dang. maki peeps.

some music.

she's the bar owner's daughter. ang galing niya kumanta, pare!

sobrang daming nagperform hindi ko na maalala name ng bands. hehe

ms. elitiong is my grade five teacher. naalala ko na magaling pala siya kumanta

stellan dance group

waaah! they were good but don't ask me what they sang ha. i really can't remember eh. sheesh!

They played Govinda, a Kula Shaker original. it's one of my favorites. so they are AWESOME!

the young and the not-so-young crowd

I wished for some things this Christmas that only money can buy. At this particular moment, I'll scratch everything off
except the last one: Love for everyone else... especially for me.

Pardon the emo crap, ladies and gentlemen. ;p

Kahit noong bata pa ko, hindi ko talaga gustong pumupunta ng ospital. Pakiramdam ko laging may magpapaalam sa akin. At bata pa lang ako, takot na ako sa dugo kaya hindi ko din pinangarap maging doktor or nurse. Medyo magtataka ka nga sa akin kasi ang nanay ko eh nagtatrabaho sa ospital. Hanggang ngayon, dala dala ko yung pakiramdam na ganon kapag napapadpad ako sa pagamutan. Kagabi, hinanda ko ang sarili ko sa pagpunta sa PGH. Kasama ko ang kaibigan ko simula elementary sa pag bisita. Hindi ako sigurado sa gagawin namin o kung handa din ba akong harapin kung ano man ang sasalubong sa akin sa pagkakataong yon. Naka confine kasi sa PGH si Manong Tero. Si Manong Tero ang paborito guard ng lahat sa Stella Maris, kung saan ako nag elementary at high school. Simula pagkabata hanggang nag graduate ako ng high school, nandoon si Manong Tero. Para na rin siyang tatay ng lahat sa eskuwelahan. Nag aalala siya sa bawat estudyante. Kung minsan nagpapangaral din. Nagbibigay din siya ng barya kapag wala kang pangtawag sa pay phone; bibilan ka niya ng pagkain sa tapat na tindahan sa school kasi bawal lumabas pasok ang mga estudyante at pwede ka rin mag iwan sa kanya ng mga gamit na ipapatago. Bilib din ako kay manong kasi kilala niya lahat. Simula kinder hanggang fourth year high school alam niya pangalan ng bawat isa at kung sino ang susundo mapa school bus, kuya, ate, magulang, lolo, lola or si yaya. Kahit noong nag graduate na ako, may ready smile pa din sa akin si Manong Tero. Hindi siya nakakalimot.
Pagkakita ko sa dami ng tao sa labas ng charity ward, nalungkot ako bigla. Hindi ko alam kung lahat ng taong iyon ay pasyente pero ayaw tanggapin ng isip ko na may iniinda silang sakit habang nakaupo sa hilera ng mga upuan o di kaya nakahiga sa lapag doon sa labas at naghihitay ng titingin sa kanila.Sa totoo lang, Hindi ko din alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko kung sa ganoong kalagayan ko makikita si Manong Tero. Sa isang saglit sa gabing yon, parang ginusto kong maging doktor tapos specialty ko lahat ng sakit para matignan ko silang lahat pero siyempre hanggang sa malawak na imahinasyon ko nalang yon. Matapos ang paghahanap sa mahabang listahan ng admission sa log book ng ER, sinimulan na namin ng kaibigan ko na pumasok sa charity ward at hanapin si Manong. Pagpasok pa lang, yung natitira kong pakiramdam na magpapasko na ay tuluyan na akong iniwan. Ayaw ko ng isipin na sa masikip at malungkot na lugar na iyon magpapasko ang marami sa kanila. Sa hindi kalayuan, nakakita ako ng kumot na may print na Mickey Mouse at noong nakita ko kung sino ang nagmamay ari ng kumot, nanlumo ako. Alam ko ang lalim ng salitang yon pero ganun talaga ang naramdaman ko. Oo, si Manong Tero ang may ari ng kumot. Noong oras na iyon, tulog siya at kitang kita sa mukha niya ang hirap na dala ng sakit, may brain tumor siya. Sabi ng kaibigan ko sa akin, "Liz, naiiyak ako kay Manong." Sabi ko naman sa kanya, "Sheena, wag ka umiyak. Hindi tayo pwede umiyak dito." Kahit na sa loob loob ko, gusto ko na din maiyak na lang, ang babaw pa naman ng luha ko pero napigilan ko siya. Lumapit na ko sa maybahay ni Manong at nagpakilala, "Nay, Stellan po kami." Yun lang ang nasabi ko, dahil ang sumunod na pangyayari dun ay niyakap ko siya at naiyak na lang kaming tatlo.
Naalala ko nanaman kung bakit ayaw ko ng ospital. Bumalik sa akin lahat ng pagkakataon sa buhay ko na kailangan kong magpunta sa  ospital dahil mayroong taong importante sa akin ang may sakit. Sa lahat ng pagkakataong iyon, sobrang takot at pag aalala ang naramdaman ko dahil ang isa doon, muntik ng magpaalam sa akin at yung isa nagpaalam na nga. Naisip ko nanaman yung takot ng mawawalan at nawalan. Parehong masakit at mahirap. Ayaw ko ng balikan pa ulit yon.
Napatitig ako kay Manong at sinabi ko sa sarili ko na gagawin ko lahat ng kaya ko para makatulong para lamang gumaling siya. Kaya sa isang banda, masaya ako dahil supportive ang buong Stellan community kay Manong Tero. Nandiyan ang benefit concert, t-shirt selling, ang mga donation para sa operation and medication and siyempre ang lahat ng prayers para sa ikagagaling niya. Sana mas marami pa ang sumuporta at tumulong.
Hindi ko alam paano ko tatapusin itong entry ko. Basta lagi kong maaalala yung ngiti sa mukha ni Manong Tero kagabi. Tinanong namin siya kung naaalala pa niya kami. Ngumiti siya sa amin at tumango. Kinapitan akong maigi ng pag asa.

Here are just some of the pix from last night. The concert was the best one I've watched in years plus I have amazing people singing in the crowd with me. Waaah! Nes, I can't thank you enough for the best seats that we occupied. I hope to see you  all again very soon!